


Your Kiss Is On My List

by ExcuseMeMissT



Category: Figure Skating RPF, Olympics RPF
Genre: 5+1 Things, A lot of pain, AU, Alternate Universe, Angst, Best Friends, Break Up, Cheek Kisses, Crying, Domestic Fluff, Drunk Kisses, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Forehead Kisses, Kisses, Marriage Proposal, Pain, Scott Moir & Tessa Virtue's Comeback Era, Series of One Shots, Slow Burn, TS+1, TS+3, Vignettes, a lot of crying, baby vm, rainysunshine's HCs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-05
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-07-25 17:42:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16202450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExcuseMeMissT/pseuds/ExcuseMeMissT
Summary: Five times Scott kisses Tessa and the many times she kisses him.The title is from Hall and Oates' song Your Kiss Is On My List and I just felt like it was the best title for this story.





	1. When they insist on knowing my bliss

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first multi-fic so please be nice.
> 
> As always, if you're reading this Miss T and Mr. Moir, I'm so sorry.
> 
> If I've made any writing mistakes, feel free to correct me.
> 
> Enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A first kiss and fairy floss.  
> Chapter title is also from Your Kiss is on my List because I am unoriginal.
> 
> Edited to be more accurate thanks to @WhateverTheMessYouAre educating me on Canadian currency, thank you once again!

He first kisses her at the Ilderton Skating Carnival when he is ten and she is eight. The crowd around the little makeshift rink is massive and is howling with applause after his performance-the applause coming mostly from his cousins and extended family to whom he shoots a wide but distracted grin as he searches for her face. Stepping off the ice, he sees her clapping furiously, the most adorable gap-tooth smile adorning her face, and he makes a split-second decision. From the flower stand near the boards, he snatches a bouquet and feels beads of sweat run down his back immediately, leaving a cold trail that causes him to shiver. His hands are clammy as he juggles the bouquet anxiously between them and scoffs at his absurd behaviour— it just little Tutu, why was he so uneasy?

 _Because she’s your girlfriend_ , the voice in his head chides.

When he sees her standing by the boards, nervously fidgeting with her mittens and then adjusting and readjusting her bangs, he practically runs over and thrusts the bouquet of flowers he stole just before she’s meant to skate her number. 

"Um, these are for you, Tutu. Good luck!" He says and drops a shy kiss onto her reddening cheek, a little too close to her mouth, before running off while mumbling something about finding his skate guards. 

She later learns after her solo skate that the flowers were going to be given to all the skaters that had performed but she feels extra special because they came from _him_. She is his girlfriend after all. The bouquet contains an assortment of white, pink and orange flowers, all bright and lively wrapped in delicate pink cellophane and gardening tape, and they very quickly become her favorite colors. She makes a mental note to ask her mother to place the bouquet in the new baby blue vase her gramma had sent over when they get back home as she gulps down another mouthful of water. Scott joins her again as they get ready for the final lap the performers are meant to take and graces her with a shy, boyish smile.

“Hey, so my mom says we can go check out the rest of the carnival afterward before going home. Do you wanna come with?” she asks him, desperately trying to mask the hopefulness in her voice.

He nods before telling her that he’d probably have to ask his mother first and they step onto the ice together, holding hands, skating that final lap together.

* * *

  
The awkwardness of their earlier encounter is soon forgotten as they stroll through the carnival, a safe distance ahead of their mothers who’d smile knowingly at them every time Scott would point out a daring ride and Tessa would shake her head vehemently as she’d explain the risk associated with such contraptions. As they walk by the cotton candy vendor, Ms. Violet, a sweet old lady that lived just around the corner from his house who is weaving a fresh cloud onto a paper cone, Scott watches as Tessa’s eyes light up with fascination and longing as they follow the old woman’s hands. With her enamored by colorful spun sugar, he quietly slips away and runs over to his mother.

“Hey, uh, Ma?”

Alma, already having seen the cogs of her son’s brain turning from a mile away, turns her attention to him and motions for him to continue his request.

“Could I have a dollar, please Mom? I wanted to get Tess and me some cotton candy...”

Even though he’d said it with all the confidence his ten-year-old self could muster up, Scott could feel his heart pounding away in his chest and heat rising up his face to stain his cheeks pink.

_For God’s sake, it’s just Tutu. She’s your girlfriend, Ma won’t mind. Will she?_

His mother chuckles at his adorable expression and shares a knowing look with Kate, who’s standing a few steps away keeping a watchful eye on her tiny daughter who had realized that her partner had disappeared and had begun to panic, frantically searching for him and her mother. As soon as Scott sees the mild terror in her eyes, his protective instinct takes over and he rushes his mother’s action.

“Ma could you please hurry, T’s getting worried,” he says bouncing on the heels of his sneakers, craning his head to maintain his gaze on his partner, making sure she doesn’t get lost in the sea of people floating about. His mother finally deposits an old, faded loonie into his awaiting hand and after muttering a flimsy thank you, he darts over to Tessa, grinning widely as he grabs her hand and pulls her along, a little too eagerly, towards Ms. Violet’s stand.

Tessa doesn’t like crowds. Which is funny because she ice dances in front of crowds on a regular basis when they have practices and competitions but that’s different because she ice dances with Scott. He holds her hand tightly and he doesn’t let her fall and he makes sure she doesn’t stumble face first into the ice if her toe pick gets caught in a rut. Sure they haven’t spoken much on the ice in the three months they’ve been _dating_ but that hasn’t stopped them from communicating in their own special way. She still knows what he means when he squeezes her hand in a particular way, whether it be a signal to change their handhold or to move into the next step sequence, she knows.

So technically, Tessa doesn’t like being in crowds without Scott. Her rational side knows she shouldn’t worry because her mother is behind her but she can’t help but feel overwhelmed as she stands in the middle of _hundreds_ of people, whizzing past her too fast like the older skaters at the rink. It was just moments ago that she had been telling Scott about how unsafe the seat belts were in the impossibly tiny cubicles on the Ferris wheel and how they couldn’t go on it anyway because _“We’re not tall enough yet, Scott,”_ that her eyes fell upon the swirling, sparkling cotton candy and her next sentence died in her throat. Oh, she really wanted one but when she turned to look for Scott and pitch the idea to him, he had disappeared. Her panic crests when someone grabs her by the hand and starts to pull but it dies down once Scott’s grinning face appears before hers as he excitedly points to the gritty dollar coin in his palm and shouts excitedly in her ear.

“Let’s go get some cotton candy, Tutu. Do you want the blue one or the pink one?”

Tessa can’t help it when her lips curve upwards and she giggles loudly causing him to join in her tinkling delight until their smiles are matched and worries are for other people.

_For now, they will marvel over disappearing candy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it!  
> Leave a kudos, drop me a comment!
> 
> Don't be shy, come say hi at my ko-fi [Fey](http://ko-fi.com/feyruh)
> 
> Come yell at me on twitter if you'd like, @ ExcuseMeMsTessa  
> Thank you for reading!


	2. My friends wonder why I call you all of the time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah, a second chapter already? I honestly didn't think I'd be able to write this fast but I guess baby VM are easy to write.  
> I know this isn't exactly what happened but I've tweaked some elements for the sake of the chapter plot line.

The next time he kisses her is the day after they break up. Or rather, the day after his friends call her up and he tells her that he no longer wants her to be his girlfriend around a week after the Ilderton Skating Carnival.

Kate Virtue has gotten to know that the relationship her youngest daughter shares with her skating partner is an exceptionally unique one. Despite their size, she knows that Tessa and Scott have a long way to go and that is why she and Alma both devote an absurd amount of time driving their children to and from the rink, having come up with a routine that fits everyone, while also dropping them off at school because they value their children’s education as well as their happiness. Kate trusts her daughter, who is sometimes so mature and well put together that it scares her, and she trusts Scott Moir with her child because she likes to think that she knows the boy’s heart after a good two years of watching the two of them build a protective bubble around their friendship and partnership and become wholly absorbed in it while also watching Scott become fiercely protective of her Tessa eases the worry that takes over whenever she watches them step on the ice or practice any of the basic lifts or dips Carol wants them to incorporate into their latest routines.

(Little does she know that her heart would actually leap out of her chest the first time she sees them do their signature Carmen lift during a Skate Canada practice all the way over in 2012, yes _that_ one. It didn’t do much to stop her heart when they repeated it throughout the season and then brought it back in the following years. Repeatedly.)

After the carnival last week, when Tessa had requested for her mother to take out the precious porcelain robin blue vase that Grandma Virtue had sent over to put her skating bouquet in, Kate had gotten just a little suspicious but handed over the trinket with careful hands to her equally careful daughter’s awaiting ones and watched as Tessa placed the vase delicately in center of the foyer table and then put her cute little bunch of flowers into it. Tessa would spritz them and switch out the water in the vase diligently for the next four days till they began to wilt slightly and the droopy flowers brought along with them her saddening mood as she wailed to her mother.

"But Scott gave them to me, Mama! Why can't they live for forever?" Tessa huffed, knowing fully well why flowers couldn’t live forever whilst burrowing into her mother's side. Kate placed an arm around her daughter and rested her head atop her silken hair, fighting a knowing smile. Of course, her daughter’s foul mood had to do with Scott but she found the entire ordeal too adorable and couldn’t wait to tell Alma! And while they tried their level best to not steer the friendship in any particular direction, Kate and Alma, between the two of them, found no harm in gushing over the duo.  
  
It’s a quiet, sweltering afternoon a few days later when the phone rings and she picks it up.“Uh, hey Mrs. Virtue is Tessa there?” Kate can’t help but grin at Scott’s obvious nervousness and imagines him chewing away at his bottom lip like he does when he can’t figure out a step sequence.

“Of course, sweetheart. Hold on just a moment.” Kate excitedly calls for her youngest. “Tessa! Its Scott, he’s asking for you.”

She hears muffles and shuffles on the other side of the line and watches as her child rushes down the stairs in a flash, snatches the phone out of her hand and sighs a meek "Hello Scott," into the receiver while twisting the telephone cord around her fingers nervously.

Kate strolls over to the kitchen and gets started on dinner whilst keeping her ears open to the ongoing conversation in the corridor. After several moments, she silently pads over to the doorway and peers around the frame, gasping in shock as she watches Tessa's expression change from delight to distress. What had happened in the few moments after she’d left?

"Yes, I understand. No, Scott, I'm not upset. You’re absolutely right.”

“Yup, I’ll see you tomorrow at the rink, okay. I gotta go, my mom is calling me."

She watches as her daughter places the receiver down and tenses with effort to school her expression into a sober one before making a beeline for the stairs, looking positively sullen. Concerned, Kate asks about the phone call, anticipating slight resistance but instead, she gets- “Oh, uh, Scott’s friend Matt said that Scott said that he wanted to talk to me and then he said he doesn’t wanna date anymore and that we should break up because it was just a joke that Cara and Jordan and Danny were trying to play on us and uh, I agreed.”— all in one breath, followed by— “Um, I’m gonna go do my homework, Mom. Dinner looks great.” Her voice cracks faintly.

And with that Tessa trudges up the stairs and disappears into her bedroom, shutting the door completely. Kate stands speechless and realizes a moment later that it’s a Sunday so Tessa was already done with her school work, she’d only just started dicing the vegetables so Tessa had lied and that she may have just watched her baby go through her first heartbreak. As she gets ready for bed, Kate thinks about how she would explain the events of this afternoon to Alma.

The next morning Kate stiffens when Tessa bounds out of the car to greet Scott. But when both children crash into their hug as they normally do, then slip into their conversation with the same amount of enthusiasm as before while they lace their skates, and she sees him kiss her daughter's cheek and grab her hand as they waddle towards the ice, Kate knows that she’s raised a strong little girl with a strong heart and that she’ll be fine.

 

_They both will be._

* * *

 

Truth be told, when Scott had called her up to end their _relationship_ , Tessa hadn’t exactly been okay with it like she’d fooled her mother into believing. She thought she’d be devastated, heartbroken, scorned! She hadn't felt any of those things, just a little twinge of sadness that she cured by softly shutting her bedroom door and secretly uncovering her chocolate stash, hidden deep within her clothes drawer. She’d then proceeded to unwrap a modest number of five Lindor Truffles and shoved them into her mouth, instantly feeling better. The next morning at the rink when she’d skidded to an abrupt stop before Scott and presented him with a milk chocolate truffle-Tessa could see from a mile away how uncharacteristically nervous he was after that phone call but he’d quickly swiped it from her palm and pulled her into a fierce hug. She felt him whisper against her ear. “You’re my best friend, Tessa. You'll always be my best friend.” As he pulled away, he smacked a wet kiss onto her cheek and it made her feel all sorts of warm inside.

And she knew at that moment that she’d be fine.

_They both would be._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it!  
> Leave a kudos, drop me a comment.
> 
> Don't be shy, come say hi at my ko-fi [Fey](http://ko-fi.com/feyruh)
> 
> Come yell at me on twitter if you'd like, @ ExcuseMeMsTessa  
> Thank you for reading!


	3. I only smile when I lie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that we’re done with the fluff I’d like to warn you, dear reader, about the terribly written angst that will follow. Once again, I don't know exactly what went down and have bent a lot of details to fit the plotline I've outlined so everything that has been written is a pure construct of my imagination and bears no resemblance whatsoever to actual events. I apologize if the alternating points of view become confusing, I've tried my best to make each character’s thoughts and actions as clear as possible.
> 
> Enjoy! (or don’t I guess)

Granted that the following years are filled with numerous cheek kisses and even some forehead ones but the next time he kisses her that she feels is particularly significant is the night before her first surgery.

It has been a particularly eventful training week but by no means was it a good training week.

On Monday morning, Tessa stumbles out of the free dance twizzle sequence as excruciating pain shoots up her shins, making her wobble pathetically on the exit. She’d been ignoring the burning in her muscles for a good while now but today they’ve been on the ice for a whopping six hours trying to perfect their edges and revising the step sequences over and over again as Pink Floyd screams in the background when she can’t take it anymore. She promptly falls onto her hands and knees because her legs feel like they can no longer hold her up and tears of pent-up frustration roll down her flushed cheeks, seeping into the collar of her shirt. She hates the way they leave scorching hot trails in their wake, a scalding reminder of her weakness, making her blaze with embarrassment. Scott is instantly by her side, sliding one arm under her knees while slinging the other across her back as he carries her off the ice and settles her down briefly to unlace her skates and then his own, switching them for trainers. He ignores Marina’s screaming and Igor’s blatant outrage as he picks her up once again and carries her right out of the rink and into the parking lot. He ignores her own feeble protests as she reassures him. “I’m fine Scott, please put me down.”

He scans her face, still wet with tears as he sets her down onto the passenger seat of his truck and buckles her in, his eyes hardening and his jaw clenching in anger. _Is he angry with himself or is he angry with her?_ Tessa’s thoughts stumble over each other in her head as she tries to numb the pain in her legs by concentrating on anything but. Silently, he drives her to the hospital in Canton where the doctors sheepishly inform them that their insurance doesn’t cover treatment for her symptoms so they’ll have to go back to Canada for a proper diagnosis. Silently, he drives to their respective apartments, roughly shoving some clothes and their passports into a spare duffle bag and flinging it into the backseat while she watches, eyes glazed and tired. It's only when they reach the border that he finally speaks up and tells her that she should probably text her mother while he calls Marina to let them know where they are.

* * *

 

On Wednesday afternoon, he holds her hand in the waiting room of University Hospital, awaiting the doctors’ final verdict. As the doctors explain Chronic Exertional Compartment Syndrome, he tightens his hold on her hand when they present her with the only two options she has: either to retire or surgery and his grip turns almost deathly by the time they finish with the details of the surgery she needs to alleviate the pain. By some miracle, they schedule her in for ten AM on Friday and she struggles to fight the tears pouring from her red-rimmed eyes and repeatedly wipes at her splotchy cheeks in the warm embrace of her mother, whose arms Tessa had collapsed into when she saw her and Alma running through the hospital doors.

Tessa finishes signing the consent forms and Kate tightens her arms around her daughter as the three of them watch Scott stomp out of the hospital. And if she feels her cardigan dampen even more, if she hears Tessa’s silent whimpers grow louder, she doesn’t say anything.

* * *

 

At one AM on Friday, Tessa hears her old bedroom window rattle and creak as someone tries to pry it open with practiced ease and as stealthily as possible. Despite being on a cocktail of powerful painkillers, she doesn’t have to turn around to see who it is and more importantly, she doesn’t want to see him after he abandoned her in the hospital that day. The pain in her shins had become a constant now but the fresh lick of pain that had taken up residence in some unguarded corner of her heart flares as she listens to Scott shuffling around her room while taking off his shoes and hears the soft rustling sounds they make against her floor carpet as he slides them under the bed. She hears him unzip his hoodie and place it on a chair nearby before he pads over to the bed and pulls away the duvet to slip into bed with her. They've been sleeping beside each other ever since their Kitcherner—Waterloo days, sometimes because of pre-competition nerves, sometimes for comfort and sometimes just because they crave each other’s touch so when Scott carefully adjusts himself, her body betrays her by melting into him as he delicately winds his arm around her waist and gently pulls her towards him so that her back rests against her chest and its then that he feels her broken body rack with silent sobs. He sighs helplessly and presses sweet kisses against her hair for comfort.

A fresh wave of tears overwhelms Tessa and she turns in the circle of his arms to face him. In the soft light of her bedside lamp, she takes in his gaunt profile with high cheekbones that are sharp slashes in his face and the haunting shades of purple that circle his tired eyes as he fixes his gaze onto her face. Scott brings up a hand to tuck away a loose strand of hair behind her ear and winds his hand into her soft tresses while the other rubs her back. They rearrange themselves so that she is securely tucked into the crook of his body and after a while, Scott thinks she’s drifted off. Contrary to what he believes, she’s wide awake and anticipates his next move before he even makes it. As he moves to pull away, she tightens her vice-like grip on his hoodie and pushes her head further into his neck as she whispers by his ear, “Don’t leave me, please don’t leave.”

"Tessa," he says, his voice a gentle caress and her heart breaks into infinitesimal pieces that she knows she’ll never be able to collect and glue back together ever again.

Scott sighs and pulls away slightly and she feels him wipe away her tears with the pads of his thumbs as he cradles her face closer to his own and without hesitation, presses his soft lips against hers. She makes a sound in the back of her throat and surrenders to him, welcoming him into her mouth, into her being, and wraps her arms around him. Tessa’s lips tingle with electricity and her heart beats away frantically, building up to a dangerous tempo in her chest.

After a moment he pulls away from the kiss, but not too far as he mumbles an apology onto her lips. She gasps because his mouth is still cold from the pre-winter air and he takes this opportunity to pull her impossibly closer so that their bodies are flush against each other and he kisses her again like she’s the answer to every single craving he’s ever had. Tessa moves her hands from where her arms were wrapped around the back of his neck to tangle in his hair that is a little damp from the chilly October weather as he caresses her lips with his own. He drops a few more gentle, patient kisses onto her mouth before pulling away to rest his forehead against hers. After what feels like forever, his tucks her head under his chin and whispers to her “Go to sleep Tess, I’m right here.”

With the painkillers finally kicking in, she drifts off into a peaceful slumber and becomes warped up in her hazy dreams quickly. Scott watches her for a while and then slips out of her embrace and immediately misses her warmth as he adjusts her covers and drops one final kiss on her forehead, not missing the way she coos in her sleep and the small smile that creeps onto her face wrenches at his heartstrings. He curses himself silently as he climbs down from the maple tree in the Virtue backyard and curses himself even more as he buckles himself into his truck. He hates himself for not picking up on her pain and then hates himself even more as he realizes the pain he’ll cause her in the morning and then jams his foot into the accelerator as he pulls onto the 401. He knows he should’ve left her a note to explain his absence but he didn’t know how to, because how do you say goodbye when your heart still wants to hold on?

Pulling into the lay-by, he allows himself to shed the tears that are pooling in his eyes and thinks about how when she will wake up, his Tessa will be alone and her muscles will ache and every heartbeat will send bolts of grief through her veins. He shouldn’t have kissed her, not like that and he shouldn't have left her the same way he did at the hospital. He’d heard her little whimper as he’d rushed away from the scene of her shaking hand as she signed the forms that gave the doctors permission to slice open her legs so that she could have a chance at skating— as she signed the papers for them and their dream, for him, and she’d done it without any hesitation whatsoever. And what’d he done? He’d stolen kisses from her and left her alone with a broken promise, but not before giving her his heart.  Brushing away the last of his misery, Scott merges onto the highway and steeps in regret on the lonely drive back to Canton.

 

_She will be alone._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the angst.  
> Please do leave a comment and let me know what you thought!
> 
> Don't be shy, come say hi at my ko-fi [Fey](http://ko-fi.com/feyruh)


	4. Your kiss I can't resist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't know how to approach Sochi but I knew that I wanted it to be as hurtful as possible. Now would be a good time to apologize to you, dear reader, I'm so sorry.
> 
> As always, everything that has been written is a pure construct of my imagination and bears no resemblance whatsoever to actual events.

Vancouver had been a dream but Sochi, Sochi was a nightmare straight from hell. They had been robbed, abandoned, misjudged and mistreated but Tessa had lost a particularly valuable item the night of the gala exhibition. You see, Mr. Moir had not only just kissed her this time but he’d also swindled away a sizeable piece of her being that now left her feeling hollow and empty. 

* * *

 

The silver medal rests on her bedside table, reflecting the harsh light of the table lamp like it’s glaring at her. Tessa sits snuggled up in her hotel bed in her plain black sweats and oversized Adidas hoodie that swallows her up, nursing a pathetically cold cup of chamomile tea between her too thin fingers. It’s 10 pm and she can’t seem to lull herself to sleep and the raging parties throughout the hotel rooms aren’t exactly helping. Despite her layers, she can’t seem to warm up her fingers. She thinks it’s because of the agony of the godforsaken silver medal; the cold feel of its exterior has seeped into her bones and steeled itself into her veins, freezing her insides. She knows that if you cut her right now, if you slice through her sickly pale skin with even the bluntest of knives, she would bleed silver. Draining the last of her tea, she chokes on the bitter taste of the dregs as the door swings open and Scott barrels into her room with her spare keycard, shrouded in the dim lighting so she can barely make out the bottle of Pearl and two shot glasses he brandishes.

“Look what I found, T. Its Canadian vodka and you know what? It ain’t gonna screw us over.”

_So he’s already tipsy._ She thinks as he pours her a shot. And then another, and another.

“I freakin’ hate Russia.” Scott slurs and they both toast to that, clinking their overflowing shots and spilling the alcohol while sitting on the carpeted floor of the room she shares with Kaitlyn. But right now she doesn’t want to think about the damn carpet or Kaitlyn, or anyone else. She leans into him, lightly resting her head on his shoulder as he breathes in the intoxicating scent of her strawberry shampoo and they both try not to think about how long it's been since they've sat like this.

 

After few hours, or what feels like a few hours, they’ve migrated to her bed and are lying side by side, drunk beyond belief on quality Canadian vodka and the loss of their gold, her head pillowed on his chest as they insult their coach— ex-coach— and they insult their _fellow competitors_ — freakin’ Meryl and Charlie. He turns to her bedside table to switch off the lamp and when he sees that damn medal he shoves it into the drawers as fast as he can and then turns to bury his nose in her hair.

“I’m so sorry, Tess.” he murmurs.

All Tessa can do is burrow further into his side, not wanting to acknowledge the fact the fact that she’d let him down with the silver. They’ve been carefully testing the limits of their partnership lately and more so after he’d broken up with Cassandra to a degree that bordered very thinly on platonic and romantic. The more time they spent together under the premise of training and friendship— he’d come over and cook them dinner, she’d skip over to his apartment to spend the night, they’d drive to the rink together— the more comfortable she became and began to let her let her guard down. They only had each other then and they only have each other now. All these thoughts swim hazily through the cloudiness in her mind when she feels him pull away slightly to look at her face; his hands tenderly caress her cheeks and gentle fingers tuck away stray strands of her hair behind her ears, hazel eyes carefully scanning hers looking at her the same way he did throughout their last Olympic skate.

When asked, she’d described the routine as a reflection of their story. “The song is about two broken people who love each other but just can’t get their timing coordinated so they keep missing each other for whatever reason (read: the Olympics) and whatever circumstances (read: the Olympics). I think they’re just two very vulnerable, emotionally disturbed people (read: Scott and me), so it’s kind of dark in the sense and there’s a little bit of angst but the underlying theme is definitely the longing to be together.”

Scott had been silent beside her the entire time, his hand gently resting on the small of her back and slipping around her waist, squeezing gently as she turned to him, looking into his depleted eyes. His gaze is pained like it was after that damn interview and he pins her with it again before he draws Tessa in.

“Scott what’re you—” He brushes his lips against hers and any tether of self-control slips from her grasp. The kiss starts off all tentative and sweet and distracts her enough to momentarily forget the color of the metal disc festering in her drawer. She’s just beginning to slip away when he shifts her to lie fully on top of his body and then Tessa loses herself in the golden flecks of his eyes while tracing the strong lines of his jaw before he slowly brings her mouth to his again. This time the kiss is more forceful and the raw taste of silver coats her mouth and she tries desperately to forget about their _failure_ by probing demandingly at Scott’s lips. He slides his hands over her shoulders and into her hair, ripping it out of its braid and then trails one of his hands slowly down her back, maneuvering until till bodies are pressed closer together. Her breath hitches and she pulls away tilting her neck to the side, baring it to his intoxicating nips and kisses. Scott ghosts his fingers along the scorching path he just left along her throat and collarbone and she watches as his eyes harden and something changes in his gaze. He crushes her lips to his furiously eager ones as he engulfs her in another searing kiss, both of them trying to pour their pain into the other rather than comforting one another. They attack each other with biting kisses, consuming and searing, until they need to pull away to breathe. Scott’s mouth hovers over her swollen lips and he pants as if he’s been running after her his entire life.

He runs a thumb over her plump bottom lip, gaze burning through her.

“Why do you look at me like that?”

He searches her eyes. “Like what?”

“Like you might possibly love me but it’s somehow, possibly the worst thing in the world.” She whispers so quietly, he almost doesn’t register her words.

He wants to say,

_Don’t you see that you’re always on my mind?_

_That when I catch myself smiling, I realize I’m thinking of you._

_That when I catch myself staring at your perfect mouth, all I want to do is kiss you?_

_That watching you with tears in your beautiful eyes today was hell for me?_

 

But instead he presses his forehead against hers and it’s like a bucket of ice cold water has been thrown over her when he says her name. And it’s too late.

It’s too late because Tessa rips out of his embrace and pushes away from him to stand up as she holds out her hands to steady herself, dizzy, disoriented and drunk. Drunk on the vodka or his invigorating kisses, she doesn’t know, but she sees her rejection hit him like a gut punch and it’s so sudden that he needs a moment to register it before he silently recoils in on himself. Her heart thrashes against the confines of her ribs, begging and pleading with her mind not to do what she was about to do.

“Leave,”

“Tess, no-“ he stands up.

“Please Scott, I don’t— I, just leave please.”

“Let’s talk about this please Tessa, please don't do this.” His voice cracks as he pleads with her.

“No, you—“ now her voice cracks as she chokes out “— I’m sorry shouldn't have said that, and we shouldn't have crossed any of those lines. You don't feel the same way and that's okay—“ _crack_ “— I’m sorry, Scott but please just go.”

 

He hasn’t noticed that she’s been backing him towards the door.

She hasn’t noticed that he’s been backing away from her towards the door.

When he finally steps out of the threshold of her room she looks at him one last time, looks at the hurt marring his gaunt face and the last thing she sees is the tears rolling down his beautiful cheeks streaking them with the pain that she’s caused before she shuts the door and lets her own tears fall.

Defeated within her rib cage, her heart gives up its relent and slumps so low in her belly that Tessa has to fling herself into the ensuite to hurl up the contents of her stomach. There’s no one to hold back her hair or to soothe her by rubbing her back as the bile burns through her throat and so she sits there, pathetically clutching the toilet bowl. With an immense amount of effort, she musters the strength to wash up and brush her teeth, all the while avoiding eye contact with her reflection. Silently, she stumbles into bed and tucks herself into the other side, the side he didn’t touch so that his scent doesn't haunt her throughout the night. Just before she succumbs to the exhaustion that sinks its jagged teeth deeper into her body, she presses a hand to her chest where, for the first time in seventeen years, her heart dully beats out of tune with his and when sleep claims her, there’s a fresh bout of tears that seep out of her tightly shut eyes as she yearns for his love.

 

_She yearns for arms that don’t want to hold her._

* * *

 

After trudging back to the room he shares with Chiddy, Scott sits on his bed as his brain replays everything that went down in Tessa’s room just a few moments ago.

_“You don't feel the same way and that's okay,”_ she’d said. He’d heard her voice crack so painfully, felt it reverberate and fracture his bones. Scott knows he should’ve persisted and laid his heart bare for her but everything had happened too quickly for his hazy self to registered. It felt as though one second he had himself snuggly wrapped around her, breathing in her distinct scent when he felt the urge to make her feel better— and not knowing what to say, he’d decided to show her instead— and the next she’d finally asked him _“Like you might possibly love me but it’s somehow, possibly the worst thing in the world.”_

He should’ve told her. He gets up and rushes to her room having decided that he’s had just about enough of the two of them dancing around their feelings for each other. He raises his hand clutching the keycard, poised above the reader when he hears the most heart-wrenching sound emanating from her room. His resolve breaks and he too begins to sob as the realization hits and cements itself within him. Tessa’s crying because of him. Tessa is hurt because of him. Tessa is in pain. Tessa is alone. He let Tessa down. 

Another sob drifts through the thin door followed by quieting whimpers which damper his own grief. He gets up then and silently walks back to his room, not wanting to cause her any more pain. When he climbs into bed he’s so very cold, despite his layers and the warm wool duvet. He misses her warmth and feels his heart stutter as it falls out of sync with Tessa’s for the first time in seventeen years.

 

_He yearns to hold her in his arms, safe and loved._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting this, unedited, at 3 AM as day-light savings takes into effect so please also forgive my writing mistakes. Please do correct me, if you want.
> 
> Did you like it? I really hope you did. Drop me a comment telling me how you felt about the chapter, I'd love the interaction!
> 
> Don't be shy, come say hi at my ko-fi [Fey](http://ko-fi.com/feyruh)
> 
> Or come yell at me on twitter if you'd like, @ ExcuseMeMsTessa  
> Thank you for reading!


	5. Your kiss is on my list of the best things in life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the late update, work is insane right now.  
> I do have good news for you, dear reader, I'm done with chapter 6 so now I just need to edit it and hopefully, it'll be up by next week.
> 
> Enjoy!

This time when he kisses her, she makes a decision.

When Tessa wakes up, she is bone tired. The sun is barely peeking through the clouds, casting an odd shadow across the walls of her drab, gray hotel room causing her to groan into the pillow. She flips away the heavy hotel sheets, suddenly feeling inexplicably hot and stuffy, to stare at the ceiling as she makes a mental checklist of the following day’s activities and groans again. Whoever decided that an early morning trek of the Great Wall on a hot July morning after a grueling thirteen-hour flight was an absolute moron.

She begins to drag herself out of bed and concentrates on the 4-7-8 breathing routine her pilates instructor drill into her head last month. Deep four-second inhale—sure she’d been working out and going to regular hot yoga and Pilates sessions but the lack of structure to her daily schedule has drastically messed with her body. She wasn’t used to such a loose routine and so after their ‘retirement’ her restlessness had drastically increased and her anxiety would kick in now more often than it used to before. Hold for seven-seconds— then again she liked to theorize in the dark cover of the night and improbability, that her overall situation was this haggard because she didn’t have Scott to balance her out. Of course they’d moved on from the incident back in Sochi for the sake of their partnership and sponsors and commitments they’d made to Stars On Ice, even though it became increasingly harder for Tessa to “leave it all on the ice” night after night when she’d either flirt with Scott or they’d skate to the heartbreaking chords of Sam Smith. They still had an unmatched presence on the ice, still had that vigor, but their off-ice interaction had decreased and ebbed away until it was practically non-existent. And breathe out slowly for an eight-second count.

Rinse and repeat. 

“Are you okay?” Someone would ask her. _No, I’m not. Not at all. I’m sad and I’m lonely. I miss my best friend even though he’s right there in front of me, within arms reach. I can barely make it through a charity event or skating show night after night without wanting to hurl up the contents of my stomach._

“I’m fine, just tired. Thank you for asking though.”

Scotland was probably the first time Tessa had understood what hell felt like. It was loving Scott in her dreams and waking up to see him wrapped up in Kaitlyn. She would put on her best media smile when she’d see him with Kaitlyn and she’d take pictures and crack harmless jokes with the curler, all the while chiseling away all the Scott-labelled pieces of her stone heart whenever she’d see him twirling Kaitlyn around the dance floor or simply resting his hand on her waist. The only problem was that those pieces were like granite— hard to carve out completely. After Scotland, after they locked eyes as Miku crooned What’s Love Got To Do With It and over the span of a few days and one flight to China, all the pain she’d suppressed had come flooding back.

_Breathe in four-seconds, hold for seven, breath out eight-seconds._

Tessa didn't hate Kaitlyn. She had great respect for the woman’s athleticism and achievements but that didn't mean that it was easy to swallow the sight of _her_ Scott with this other woman. It had never been easy for her to share Scott and what he had to offer with others which is why it was so hard to adjust to life without their sacred bubble. nothing could go wrong when Tessa and Scott were in their bubble— they always made sure that it was a safe space for both of them.

And so while jogging at a modest pace to keep up with the socialites, when Tessa’s gaze strays over to a couple by the side of the wall swaddled in their love and soaking up the warmth of the shy sun, she speeds up and whizzes a safe distance ahead of the group. She stops and a scream rips itself out of her lungs; it wrenches free from her chest without permission, and it’s a scream so loud and violent it brings her crumbling to her knees. Scott, of course, is the first to reach her and he takes one look at her agonized eyes and directs everyone else away, telling them that she just has a cramp and will be fine and also that they should go on ahead.

When he’s done shooing away the last of the bothersome group, he crouches down beside her and puts an arm around her. Well, he tries to at least. “T, are you alright?” _Breathe in four-seconds, hold for seven, breath out eight-seconds._

Her head pounds and her vision blurs with tears of frustration. Stumbling away, she braces herself by the edge of the Great Wall.

“Tessa, I need to talk to you. Tess, please turn around.” She composes herself before turning around, surprisingly quickly and manages to look everywhere but his eyes. _Breathe in four-seconds, hold for seven, breath out eight-seconds._

“What are we doing, Tess? I can't wrap my head around these past few months, they've just been so confusing. I can’t live like this anymore Tess, I’ve been drinking myself into oblivion and scaring the shit out of my family and Kaitlyn for the past year and it just hasn’t been the same without you in my life.” Scott continues, knowing full well that he’s got a limited amount of time, “Kiddo, I— I've been thinking about this a lot and I really want to—I really think—that is if you’re up for it—that we have a shot at gold at Pyeongchang. I don’t know who I am when I’m not skating with you or training with you or just when I’m without you. I—I don’t know what to do with myself. I need you back in my life.”

_Breathe in four-seconds, hold for seven, breath out eight-seconds._

“You’ve done so much while I’ve been wasting away and all I can ever think about is you, Tess. The entire thing with Kaitlyn was— She’s a great person and I thought she was it for me and I really did love her but not like I love—“ he takes a shuddering breath before he lays out his heart for her. All the things he’s wanted to say ever since February 2014, all the things he knows he should’ve told her sooner and so he goes on. “I love you and I always have. Ever since we were children, I’ve looked up to you, Tess. And I need you, I need you to balance me out. You’re everything to me, literally everything. Every time you grip my hand before we take the ice, I feel like the luckiest guy in the world and every time you smile at me, it's like my heart starts beating again and people say that when they fall in love, time stops but for me it was like time started when a little girl first took hold of my hand. It was like taking your first breath and maybe we’ve never been able to get our timing right but, kiddo, what if this is our second chance? To do everything right, from training with the right people to skating the programs we want and skating for us? Tess, I want Pyeongchang for myself, but more than that, I want it for you. To make it up to you for Sochi.”

There are very few times in her life when Tessa has been rendered speechless by Scott Moir, this monologue is one of those times. _Breathe in four-seconds— oh, screw it._

“Say something T,”

Collecting herself and pressing the brakes on her very erratic pulse she rasps as she chokes the words out. “Why are you telling me this? You can’t be saying all these things to me, Scott, not after— not when you’re still with Kait—“

He cuts her off before she has the chance to finish. “I’m not, she broke up with me. That’s why you didn’t see her on the plane here, Tess, she went back to Canada.”

“But why?” Barely the whisper of a question leaves her mouth. Scott smiles a painfully pathetic smile and explains to her that Kaitlyn had seen their eyes lock on that last night in Scotland and she’d finally confronted Scott on his intentions for the future. For their future, but he had no answer. And then, she’d let him go.

_“I'm sorry, Scott but I want to break up. I want to move to train and if you're unsure about us then I'm afraid this is it. But listen to me closely, please. When being a woman, I can make such a big decision for myself and my career, why can’t you sort out your feelings for Tessa, Scott? Be a man, not a boy, a man and go take her hand again. You promised you’d never let go of her hand, Scott, you’ve been in love with her your entire life. It’s time you two acknowledged what you have. Thank you so much for our time together, I will always cherish the love you’ve given me but you’re not mine to keep. You’ve always belonged to her, so go. I’ve already booked my ticket back home, I just wanted to get my things and let you know.”_

She’d simply let him go. Kaitlyn had taught him patience and she’d taught him how to savor important moments, how to cherish his time. She’d been a great companion and she’d grounded him when he needed her to, and he’d loved her as much as heart allowed him to. But she was right; he would never be able to love anyone the way he loved Tessa.

“I couldn't picture a future with her, I don't think I ever did. When I bought that house I had no idea what I’d do with it but I remember thinking _‘It’s big enough for Tess to plan and put up her dream house so I’ll take it’_ Its always been you, T. It’ll always be you.”

These are words Tessa has only ever imagined of hearing and then shoved those thoughts forcefully to a dark corner of her mind. She’s silent for so long that he feels his breaths constrict as every second passes by. He searches her eyes for some sort of hint to deduce what she’s thinking— that’s another thing that makes Scott shake with terror, the fact that he struggles to decipher the thoughts running through her head after eighteen years of being her partner and being able to read her clearly.

After an excruciatingly long moment, she looks him in the eye as she asks “What am I to you Scott?”

He doesn’t skip a beat when he answers, “You’re my everything,” as he comes closer and takes her hands in his. Scott pulls her to him and wraps his arms around her, his embrace warm, and his big, strong arms seemed very protective around her body. The world around them melts away as she squeezes him back, not wanting the moment to end. Scott presses a sweet, lingering kiss to her forehead and she relishes in the feeling. It’s all that she’s ever wanted.

Tessa looks up at him through her lashes. “Will you do that again?”

He tips her head up and brings her face to his, pressing his lips to hers and she tries to memorize the way his heart beats steadily beneath her hand. The way his chest rises and falls with every breath. The way his mouth moves gently against hers. Warmth swirls through her as he pulls away to look at her, his eyes sparkling like pools of honey in the light of the rising sun. Tessa decides then that she will no longer be afraid of her feelings. She will no longer be afraid of loving Scott. They have countless conversations and therapy sessions ahead of them but for now, she chooses to just bask in their beautiful moment.

“Scott?”

“Hmm,” he doesn't break his gaze.

“I want Pyeongchang too,” she sees his eyes falter. “And Scott? I love you too.” He crashes back into her again and passers-by coo at the lovely sight against the picturesque sunrise as Tessa cradles the face of her love, assuring him with soothing, encompassing kisses. She is his everything and he is her everything. Scott pulls her in closer, burying his face into the crook of her neck, both his arms still tight around her.

 

_Her everything._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like it? I really hope you did. Drop me a comment telling me how you felt about the chapter, I'd love the interaction! Please do not hesitate to correct any writing mistakes I've made.
> 
> Don't be shy, come say hi at my ko-fi [Fey](http://ko-fi.com/feyruh)
> 
> Or come yell at me on twitter if you'd like, @ ExcuseMeMsTessa  
> 


	6. I just want your extra time, and your kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you see what I did there with the chapter title? Are you proud of my wit, dear reader? I must admit, I am pretty happy with myself for coming up with that.
> 
> Now that we’ve reached the end of this story, I’d like to thank you all for all your comments and kudos, they’ve meant so much to me, and honestly, they’ve driven this work to the finishing line. 
> 
> As always, everything that has been written is a pure construct of my imagination and bears no resemblance whatsoever to actual events.  
> I hope you enjoyed reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing it.

It's a funny little relationship that they have.

The love between Tessa and Scott has always had its complications; sometimes he loved her too much and sometimes she loved him too little, but it was always enough because it was always there. And so that’s why now, Tessa tries extra hard, does her absolute best, goes above and beyond to make sure that she tells or shows Scott how much she loves him, how much she needs him, how enough he is for her. She never lets the opportunity to kiss him go to waste.

A kiss on his forehead for comfort when he’s sick because Scott refuses to kiss her when he is indisposed lest she falls ill too, even though its inevitable due to their constant proximity.

A kiss on his cheek when they lay down epic programs and slay the scores, or when they nail their newest lift, or when he coaxes deep belly laughs from her that leave her (both of them) feeling so elated, and always when he hands her a tall cup of her current coffee order every morning, greeting her with the brightest of smiles.

A kiss on the back of his hand where its clutching her own as they skate a few mellow laps around a small rink he found while wandering the enchanting streets of Montreal. A small, secluded haven of a rink he brought her to because he knew she’d appreciate the intimacy of the location. Don't get her wrong, Gadbois is absolutely spectacular, but it's just so public.

A kiss between his shoulder blades when she finds him dancing around her kitchen, navigating it as if it were his own (it is), while he cooks them steak and potatoes for dinner on a hot, sweltering summer evening, wearing nothing but sweatpants and a kitchen towel draped over his shoulder. She will never be used to such a sight.

A kiss on the top of his head when he comes home (it's not her apartment anymore, it's _their home_ ) one day, ungracefully flops his head into her lap and demands that she play with his hair. As she runs her fingers through the luscious locks, the gentle combing soon turns into a soothing head massage and Scott succumbs to slumber without even meaning to.

A kiss on his nose because he has some brownie batter smeared across it when they’re at the annual Virtue-Moir Family Reunion and he’s helping their mothers bake while she watches perched on the counter, a safe distance away from any culinary work. He comes over to wrap his arms around because he misses her and she finds his forlorn expression coupled with the blob of chocolatey mix on his nose so very endearing, she swipes it away with a cheeky kiss.

A kiss on the corner of his mouth when he grabs her a box of tampons and chocolate without her having asked him to. He always knows.

A kiss on the sensitive spot behind his ear which she knows drives him wild.

A kiss on his soft, soft lips— _I love you._

* * *

**20 February 2016**

The comeback announcement couldn’t have gone better. They’d been preparing for it all of February, coordinating with their media team and the B2Ten team and of course, Marie and Patch, working meticulously over each aspect of the comeback from pouring over tentative programs to deciding upon every last stitch in their costumes with Mathieu. So after a satisfyingly successful day, they returned to Tessa’s newly furnished apartment in Montreal for dinner and a movie. Scott’s place, a few floors down, still had boxes of his stuff strewn haphazardly in the living room where he and his brother had dumped them last week. She’d have to schedule in unpacking those too for next week, and settling him into his place before he messes up her pristine kitchen.

“For you, my love,” he says, carrying her enormous and steaming mug of hot chocolate in one hand and holding the other behind his back.

“You’re the best,” she says, taking a grateful sip. It’s the last time she can indulge in such a treat before zeroing in on training. He settles down next to her and wiggles into the warm quilt as she flips through the channels on the blaring TV. She snuggles into his side, molding into him.

“Tess, I’m ready to take this relationship to the next level.” He turns to her abruptly.

Tessa’s brows arch into a quizzical expression as Scott maneuvers them so they’re facing each other as the comfy throw blanket pools around their waists. He waits for a beat too long.

“Jesus, Scott! Quit with the suspense,” she chides him and whacks him with a soft cushion.

“Two words, Tess. Matching. Socks. Here, check out what Babsy sent us.” And then he produces an open, moderate sized cardboard box overflowing with packing peanuts and waves it in her face. Tessa can’t help but dote on how endearing and adorable he looks as Scott carefully pulls out two pairs of blue and white long socks embellished with the Toronto Maple Leafs logo. He shoots her a grin and Tessa dissolves into a melodious fit of giggles. They bounce around the living room, drowning out the Jeopardy reruns and warm his cheeks. Her laugh is contagious and soon he too is laughing with her, their eyes crinkling at the corners with elation till they simmer down into breathy sighs. She grabs her pair of socks from him and begins to whip him with them, trying to elicit that same joyous sound from him. It’s his loudTessa—laugh that appears so much more frequently now and she’s proud that only she can coax body-shaking laughter from him. She’s proud of how happy she makes him and of the fact that when he falls asleep next to her, he has a smile adorning his face and it takes every bit of effort and restraint to not wake him up so that she can gaze into his warm, honey-colored eyes that always deliciously warm up her insides.

He grabs her wrists to stop her from assaulting him further and she laughs at that again, a tear straying from the corner of her eye and escaping down her cheek. He wipes it away with a finger and pulls Tessa close to him once again, wrapping them up in her throw blankets because it’s become second nature. Yes, they’re still codependent but they’ve constructed a strong, well-trained team of professionals (emphasis on _professionals_ ) that have taught them to channel their connection in the most optimum, efficient way possible. They won’t train because they want to win the Olympics, they’ll train because they will win the Olympics and they will do it on their own terms and they will do it for themselves.

“Hi, T.” he focuses her to the moment they share.

“Hello, love.” She closes the distance between them, hands sliding up his muscled chest and winding into his hair, socks forgotten. She kisses him and the world falls away. It’s slow and soft, comforting in ways that words would never be. His hand rests below her ear, his thumb caressing her cheek as their breaths mingle. She runs her fingers down his spine, pulling him closer until there's no space left between them. Contentment warms her from within as she kisses him one more time, slow and deep before pulling away. “I love you.”

Scott drops multiple kisses onto her soft lips, and mutters back “I love you, too.”

It’s a small, domestic moment but it’s still a moment with her beloved.

_And those are her favorite kind._

* * *

**2 April 2017**

By the time Tessa flops into bed, he’s already fast asleep. She carefully wraps herself around him, arms sliding around his strong torso and nose burying in his slightly damp hair. He smells like her shampoo, he must have borrowed hers. Again. She cranes her neck slightly to fully view his face and strokes his warm cheek for a moment. Tiredness creases deep lines into his otherwise handsome face as she spoons him, wishing she could absorb some of his pain combined with exhaustion from the terrible deaths, and today's near slip. Scott’s always been hard on himself for making mistakes and over the course of their partnership, she’s learned that the best way to deal with an upset Scott is to let him cool down on his own and make peace himself rather than rushing him through it. She presses and delicate kiss to the back of his head and whispers a soft “I love you,” before falling sleep herself.

The next morning Tessa wakes up to Scott's head on her chest and their legs intertwined together under the covers. She carefully extricates herself out of his hold and then out of bed, and orders a somber breakfast from room service while admiring a striking cushion cover on the chaise lounger. When breakfast arrives, she gently shakes him awake and throws in a couple of kisses all over is his face as she pulls him out of bed and ushers him into the bathroom and telling him to hurry back. When he emerges, fresh-eyed and wide awake, he joins her on the bed, where she's laid out plates of food and softly chuckles when Tessa wipes her bread in a smear of yolk that escaped the shell of her poached eggs and holds it to his mouth. They eat in comfortable silence and once the food is out of the way she cradles his face between her hands, fingertips lightly massaging his temples.

"I'm so proud of you," she says and he sighs.

She’d refused, absolutely refused, to let him apologize last night and ushered him out of the arena and to dinner and then his (read: their) hotel room so now when he sighs dejectedly for the nth time, she pulls back slightly and begins to pepper kisses from his forehead to his cheeks and his nose and the corners of his mouth. She finally brings her lips to his in a sweet kiss and he tastes like eggs and Scott and the parsley salad and _Scott_ as she tries to convey her love and appreciation and happiness in that single kiss. When they pull away, a small smile adorns his face and his eyes shine making Tessa feel like she’s bagged the greatest win of her life because they totally hadn’t just won Worlds and hadn’t just had an undefeated season. She lets out a breathy giggle and kisses him again briefly because she can before standing up and holding her hand out to him.

“Wanna head to gala practice now?”

Scott takes her hand and she shrieks in surprise as he yanks her back into bed.

_They don’t make it to that gala practice on time._

* * *

**20 February 2018**

_Until my dying day…_

The crowd explodes into applause and every spectator rises to their feet in awe of the masterpiece free dance that they’ve just laid down.

But Tessa doesn’t register that. She’s absolutely euphoric and floats in an adrenaline-rich haze as Scott draws her out of their ending position into a tight hug, pulling away after a moment. She watches a million different emotions flash across his face as he skates back towards her and lifts her into another hug.

“Woooooo,” he yells as he smacks a solid kiss onto the rosy apple of her cheek. They bow and he clasps her hand into their signature hand hold, fitting her pinkie between his index and middle finger, as they skate towards Marie-France and Patrice, waiting for them by the boards practically bubbling with pride.

“That was awesome,” Scott says as Marie-France envelopes Tessa into her warm embrace. “I’m so proud of you, my babies! You did it!” Patch joins in and then they make their way over to the kiss and cry. She can barely hear Scott rambling over the buzzing in her ears and the pounding of her heart. Her hands are cold and shaking as her fingers fly up to re-fasten that one earring. They guzzle down water and sit down between Marie and Patch awaiting their fate.

The kiss and cry is a whole other whirlwind of emotion that she simply can't register. She struggles to concentrate on PJ’s voice as she announces their scores.

“Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir have earned in the free dance 122.40 points, the new seasons best.” The crowd erupts into another deafening applause and Tessa barely hears Patch whisper into her ear “It’s enough,”

“With a total score of 206.07 points, and are currently in first place.” Scott launches into a triumphant jump. “YES!” and yanks her up into a crushing embrace.

“Thank you so much,” she's finally able to speak.

“I love you, Tess,” he responds and presses another kiss onto her cheek as he once again folds her into his arms. In that moment, his arms squeeze a fraction tighter and Tessa breathes more slowly, her body melting into Scott's as every muscle of her body relaxes.

"I'm so proud of you," he whispers into her ear. “Oh my god, T, we did it! We won the gold. Tessa, thank you so much!”

It’s much later when they’ve embraced their families, received their medals and been congratulated by their teammates when Tessa wanders around, her feet bringing her to stand before Scott. He’s sitting down on one the many benches scattered around the arena, turning his gold medal over and over in his hands, fiddling with it. He doesn’t notice that she’s there so she kneels down and slots herself between his legs, hands coming up to cradle his. His face lights up into a wry smile; he’s tired but he’s happy.

“Hey there, Miss Most Decorated Ice Dancer,” Her hands work their way around his body, feeling each crevasse, each line along his perfect physique. She leans in, so her forehead rests against his. They both close their eyes and draw in shaky breathes. "Thank you," she says in barely more than a whisper.

“No, Tess, thank you. I wouldn’t be here without you if you hadn’t given me a chance.” He replies, his voice low and husky.

“Thank you. For being you." Her voice wavers, exhilarated from the sparking tension between them.

Tessa gently leans in and kisses Scott's warm lips.

“Love you, T. I love you so much.” He whispers onto her mouth and she smiles, her heart fluttering at his voice as she clasps her hands on either side of his face and looks deep into his eyes. She places a soft kiss onto his forehead and cradles his head against her chest so he can feel the steady beat of her heart, in sync with his. “I love you too, Scott and I’m so proud of you.”

Engrossed in each other, Tessa and Scott immerse themselves in their bubble, both of them already thinking of the million things they want to do and the adventures they want to go on with each other.

_Always with each other._

* * *

 

**8 April 2018**

She leans back in Scott’s arms and stares up at him but he’s too blurry because she’s too drunk. Too, too drunk.

She needs to sit down and regain her focus, maybe toss back a gallon of water instead of another one of those hellish tequila shots, but his eyes are just so deep and brown like pools of the richest chocolate that she’d like to dive into.

“Hi.” She giggles shyly like she hasn’t been dancing with him all night. More like grinding against him but semantics eh?

He glances down at her, arms closing more securely around her to steady her ditzy self. She’d had way too much to drink after bowling and karaoke with the Stars On Ice cast after their last show. God, there was something about alcohol in Japan.

“Hi, T.” a small smile creeps onto his face. To see Tessa like this when she’s carefree and has no filter whatsoever is always entertaining.

“Your eyes are like chocolate pools right now, you know. I mean they always look like honey pools but today they look like chocolate pools and its kinda cute, and I wanna dive into them you know like a professional Olympic dive scene,” she blabbers, slurring most of her words. God, she is such a lightweight,

He raises an eyebrow and she flashes him a cheesy smile, reaching up to play with his hair, running her fingers carelessly through the well-gelled strands styled away from his handsome face. Tessa’s hands drift to his neck and she suddenly pulls him down for a sloppy kiss.Slightly buzzed himself, Scott draws out the kiss, causing her toes to curl and her skin to flare hotly. She nips at his mouth and gently strokes his tongue with her own, coaxing a moan from him. When she pulls away to breathe, she’s almost wasted off him—his taste and his smell and just him.

“Scott?”

“Yes, T?”

“I really need to pee,”

“Ok Tess, come on let’s find a bathroom.” he chuckles and guides her out of the raucous crowd. 

She will always marvel at how well he takes care of her. How well he knows her.

_Because they know each other better than they know themselves._

* * *

**24 November 2018**

As soon as they velcro up the flaps of the quick change area, Scott pounces on her with an unbelievable ferocity as if he hadn’t just been goofing around with the audience on the walk across the ice, back into the tunnel. Well, to be fair, they had also just performed a very sexually charged routine (read: 4 minutes) so maybe the ferocity can be justified.

“Scott, _no_ —“ Tessa manages to gasp through his attack of kisses “— we have to change, we have the flash mob next, oh my God, _Scott_ ,”

“It’s the last time we’re performing that routine, Tess. I just want to— I just want you.” he gups.

Instead of physically moving away, she leans her head back and lets him run his lips over her neck and throat and collarbone as his arms wind tightly around her waist and press her closer to his body. She can feel every facet and contour of him dig into her skin and, tour be damned, she almost gives in.

Almost.

She places firm hands on his shoulders and pushes him away, rushing towards their outfits and tossing him his pants and hoodie. Tessa wrenches on her floral hoodie on top of her sweaty sports bra and stops in her tracks as she’s hastily yanking on her trousers because standing before her is a topless Scott Moir smirking at her like sin. Surely looking so handsome had to be a criminal offense. Fastening her zip and button, she stalks over to him and slams him with a long, heated kiss, swirling her tongue in his mouth and biting at his lips. The kiss is as short as she can fit into the extremely tight time window and so she reluctantly pulls away, moving her hands to fasten the button on his pants and saunters away to gather her things.

“We’ll continue this later, Moir.” She whispers and then dashes out to put on her skates, but not before popping a mint into her mouth and praying to anyone who’ll listen that no body notices how swollen and red her lips are.

_He will never not drive her wild._

* * *

**Sometime in the future**

“—I love you more than you could ever know. You’re the best part of my life, Tessa. I’ve imagined countless futures for myself but I’ve only dreamed of the one I want with you. So Tessa Jane McCormick Virtue, will you marry me?”

A faint pink tinge spreads across her cheeks because it’s happening. It’s finally happening and Tessa is absolutely euphoric. She begins to giggle and that small giggle turns into a full blown laugh-cry that consumes her entire body and resounds in his being. His eyes widen slightly, eyebrows lifting almost imperceptibly in question, and Tessa bites her lip as she nods and whispers just one word countless times.

“Yes. Scott, Yes!”

She nods again as he slips the beautiful ring onto her finger with shaking hands.

“You’re going to marry me,” he says, more to himself as he processes it. “You’re going to be my wife, oh Tess,”

She cuts him off and pulls him up against her, gathering his shirt in her fists to kiss him. She pours every bit of her love into the kiss as her hands wind into Scott’s hair and she holds him close, cradling his cheek, finger tips lightly tracing over his features as they have for years. She kisses him until they have to pull away for the sake of breathing. When they do so, his eyes gleam with tears and he brings their clasped hands to his lips and presses a sweet kiss to the new adornment on her finger.

_She can’t wait to spend the rest of her life with him._

* * *

**Sometime a little further in the future**

Holding each other, they stand comfortably in front of their daughter's crib, content to watch her tiny chest rise and fall with every breath. They watch as dreams cause an array of emotions to wash over her chubby face, her plump, pink lips tugging upwards into a precious smile. Tessa lets one arm drop into the crib and brings a finger to smooth away the soft wisps of hair on her forehead, eliciting a tiny stir from her swaddled baby. The snow comes, white and glistening marking the official start of this year’s winter but the cold is comforting. To Tessa and Scott, it feels like a bright sunny day, a fresh spring afternoon, a crisp autumn evening and a warm, cozy winter morning all at once.

"I love you, Tess.” He says as he pushes himself closer to her and kisses her nose. She brings her arms to loop around his shoulders, winding her fingers in the soft curls at the nape of his neck and smiles radiantly at him.

"As I love you," she whispers, touching her lips to his in a chaste kiss.

“This is what happiness is,” she hears him whisper so softly. She joins in on his thoughts as they turn once more to lay their protective gaze upon their slumbering child— happiness is enjoying the moment, being present for that gift that is life, it is in your arms. They both tighten their hold on each other to diminish the minuscule space between them.

_This is happiness._

* * *

**Sometime further in the future**

Watching her husband fast asleep with her three beautiful daughters piled on top of him on the family room couch is a sight Tessa will never get tired of coming home to. She’d been away in Toronto for a work event— just successfully launching a new branch of her designing venture— and now that she’s home after a week all she wants to do is relax with her family. She silently pads over the fluffy carpet and begins to clean up here and there, just a few plates and glasses strewn across the side table and a couple of her little one's toys littering the floor. As she bends to pick up a familiar white and black panda (the one with the funny colorful string thingies), she glances up to see the tiny owner’s slumbering figured nestled delicately against her father’s side and snuggling against his arm, a precious sight indeed. Her gaze lifts upwards to her middle child who rests directly on top of her father’s chest, rising and falling with her dad’s deep breaths and sprawled like a starfish, her limbs strategically placed to avoid knocking into anyone. And lastly, Tessa has to crane her neck to get a visual on her eldest. Her daughter is very uncomfortably squished between her father’s other side and the couch but the sweet smile adorning her grown face says otherwise. Scott has his other arm around her and his hand rests on their middle girl’s back.

Tessa sighs a heavy sigh and abandons her endeavor to tidy up the room as she crawls over to her beloved family. She drops kisses onto Sophie and Anna’s foreheads and kisses Maddie, comfortably draped over her father, on her perfect nose before moving to Scott’s, who has woken up, pouting face. She carefully bypasses her children, cradles her husband’s cheeks and kisses him thoroughly. When she pulls away, he’s smiling at her. Her clear eyes scan his.

“I love you,” she whispers softly and his smile widens as he whispers the words right back. "Love you too, T."

The both of them carry their daughters— Tessa gently hoisting Sophie into her arms while Scott tucks the other two into each arm—to their absurdly large bed and they all sleep soundly, the girls smothered in blankets and their parent's protective embrace.

The next morning sunlight shyly peaks through the slits in the blinds, softly illuminating the room’s interior. Soft, pastel orange hues rouse the girls awake and they begin to stretch out of the confines of their parents’ arms, only to find their father watching them and their mother with an enraptured expression. Tessa wakes up to three pairs of lips peppering mushy kisses against her face and a melodic chorus of “Mama, Momma, Mommy,” and her heart has never been fuller, spilling with love and contentment. Scott towers over the four of them, resting on one elbow, he bends to brush a chaste kiss onto her mouth. “Welcome home, T.”

_This is definitely happiness._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I doubt this chapter's been properly edited, so I'm sorry for any mistakes.  
> So from the really overwhelming, positive response, I got on Her World, I decided to add that last bit because I felt extra generous. Thank you to everyone who read, commented and left kudos on this story, it was such a pleasure to interact with all of you! Until next time, folks.
> 
> Leave a kudos, drop me a comment!
> 
> Don't be shy, come say hi at my ko-fi [Fey](http://ko-fi.com/feyruh)
> 
> Come yell at me on twitter if you'd like, @ ExcuseMeMsTessa  
> Thank you again for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it!  
> Leave a kudos, drop me a comment.
> 
> Don't be shy, come say hi at my ko-fi [Fey](http://ko-fi.com/feyruh)
> 
> Or come yell at me on twitter if you'd like, @ ExcuseMeMsTessa  
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
